Finding Time: For Your Marriage

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

As I sit here writing this, Hubby is on his computer, trying to figure out an error message. He had a great idea that we should download a movie and watch it together as an at-home date. Trouble is, it took forever to download. Now it is loaded, but it won’t play.

I don’t know.

What’s nice is, the effort. He is trying. I am trying.

Oh yes, I am trying right now. I am doing him a big favor by staying away and letting him tinker, alone. Hopefully it will get working soon, but in the meantime, I can write. And improve my marriage by resisting the urge to hover.

It is hard to find time for each other when you’ve got little ones. They take up so much of your brain power and energy. Some days you are simply d-o-n-e done when their little heads finally hit the pillow. Then, it gets expensive to hire a babysitter and go out all the time. I know many couples who have vowed to keep a regular date night. I don’t know any who have consistently followed through.

There used to be a billboard around here that said, “What have you done for your marriage today?” It startled me the first time I saw it. “Huh? Done for my marriage? Today? What am I supposed to be doing? I'm still married. . . isn't that enough?”

Then I called Hubby to tell him I love him, because I figured it couldn’t hurt. It didn't. Eventually, I loved to pass that billboard, because it was a wonderful reminder to do something - every day. I’m sorry it is gone now, but I’m glad the question remains. The hard part is following through.

Doing something requires time and effort. It requires brain power and energy (those things the kids zap. . . ), and a smidge of romance. The "something" doesn’t have to be extravagant - but extravagant is occasionally nice. After a recent discussion with friends, I realized that Hubby and I are overdue for a getaway. So, we are planning a weekend away this fall. No planes or resorts, but something beyond the random date night. Something romantic. Something for us.

Then there are the little things. Text messages during the day, an evening drink on the deck, remembering to kiss hello or goodbye, actually saying, “I love you,” doing extra (without complaints or guilt - hard!) when the other needs a break . . . those things can be the daily answer to the question. Those, and countless other gestures, can be the ways that we find time, every day, for our marriages.

Don’t you agree?

Oops! Gotta go. Movie is working!

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One Response to “Finding Time: For Your Marriage”

  1. this is so very true. Sam and I text as much as possible and we never leave the house (for work or extended periods of time) without kisses and hugs good bye. what if it's the last time you see your spouse? It's important to us to try our best to leave the home with all being well. We don't really get a date night either. I think we've had maybe 3 in 5 We don't have money to do such things really and my parents don't have the space to keep the kids. It is hard to make time for our marriage, but it is so worth it. We've been through a WHOLE LOT in 9 years of marriage. I like to think we're learning how to make it work!