Flying Solo

Monday, November 8, 2010


I was nervous when I got out of the car. I'd tried to check in online, but my name was jumbled on the confirmation page, and I couldn't print out the boarding pass. Now I was unsure. Should I go to the counter or try the kiosk?


My circa college bag, meant to be wheeled, but missing the long handle, felt clumsy in my arms.


I accidentally stepped in front of someone.


"I'm sorry. Excuse me." I made my way over to the kiosk.


I felt confused, and grateful that no one was standing behind me, waiting. I fished for my card and swiped it. I followed the instructions, and printed the boarding pass. I pulled it out and looked at it. Then my phone rang. Hubby and the boys were still in the car outside, watching me through the glass doors. "Just wanted to make sure you got it. Everything okay?"


Yes. Everything was okay. I felt a wave of gratitude towards that guy who understands me so well. I waved goodbye, again, to those most precious faces, and set off.


I fumbled through security: shoes off, boarding pass presented, 3 ounce liquids bagged and displayed - check, check, check. Shoes back on, coat in hand, everything packed up?


Yes.


Finally, I sat down to wait. I took a deep breath, and laughed at myself. When did I become such a nervous nelly? When did I lose the head up, full steam ahead confidence that used to whisk me through airports, big cities, and life?


As I sit here and reflect on it now, I can see that the confidence is not gone. It has just shifted. What comes first, and most naturally for me now, is maternal confidence. Taking care of others, and meeting their needs. As Mom, I am confident and in control because I have to be. When I'm on my own, it turns out, I can feel a little lost. Independent Girl has to raise her hand and say, "Here I am! I'm still here! Just give me a minute to (excuse me) push (uh!) my way up to the front. Whoops - almost tripped on a toy. Okay, I'm coming. . . whew! Made it. I'm here."


Just in time for the flight.


And just in time for me to realize that this Mom needs to do a better job of keeping her Independent Girl towards the front of the pack.


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7 Comments »

7 Responses to “Flying Solo”

  1. I hear you. I hope your weekend was fabulous and you are rejuvenated. Hugs!

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  2. We like Mom just the way she is.
    -Hubby, Big Guy and Little Guy

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  3. I feel the exact same way. I have a trip planned for the beginning of December (my first time flying since Lilly was born) and am already nervous about it. Big change from the years when I traveled on a regular basis...
    Hope your trip was wonderful! Kristie

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  4. Flying totally changed for me after having kids. It now makes me very nervous. I think we just think of the worst case scenarios more now that we are moms!!

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  5. I love Mom Court and Independent Girl Court!!

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  6. I feel the exact same way. I have a trip planned for the beginning of December (my first time flying since Lilly was born) and am already nervous about it. Big change from the years when I traveled on a regular basis...
    Hope your trip was wonderful! Kristie

    ReplyDelete