WFMW: Circle of Trust

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

It's Works for Me Wednesday, and do you know what works for me?

The Circle of Trust

Yes, we are still making February about all relationships, but I've been thinking a lot about marriage this week. Romantic advice surrounds, but I keep going back to something Hubby said to me a long time ago, "Some things stay in the marriage."

My first memory of him saying that was when we had dinner guests, and conversation turned to "funny things the husbands do" - you know how that goes. I started critiquing the way Hubby loads the dishwasher. I was doing a darn good impression of how he puts things in the most ridiculous places, when he smiled and said, "Honey, some things stay in the marriage!" Everyone laughed, and then he pressed his finger tips together to make a circle and quoted the then-popular movie, Meet the Parents, "Circle of trust. . . "

(Image credit)

It was a lighthearted moment, but since then we have agreed that it is important not to degrade one another in pubic. That may seem kind of obvious, but if you think about it, how many times do we spout off without thinking - in ways that last forever? On Facebook, in an email, or to a person who never forgets:

"Hubby forgot to take out the garbage, AGAIN."

It can get uncool, really quickly.

I'm talking about petty jabbing here. I would never encourage a friend to keep serious concerns to herself. And, I've certainly done my fair share of, "Oh, your husband does that?! Mine too!" It is the constant complaining that we have to guard against. You can only say, "But I was just joking!" so many times.

Do I sound like a hypocrite, advocating for privacy when I've got this blog? Am I the pot calling the kettle black? I hope not. I try to remember that this blog is mine. Hubby and kids did not sign up to have all their thoughts and behavior recorded for the universe. I talk about my family, of course, but there is a reason our houses have walls. This place, your home, your marriage, should be safe. You won't be outed every time* you pick your nose, burn dinner, or fall going up the stairs.

Not that I would ever do any of those things. (Ahem.)

The point is, that concept, that "circle of trust," is one idea that works for our marriage.

What works for you?

*But if you do those things regularly, I'm sorry - it is gross, funny or both. And you will be outed. Circle broken.


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12 Responses to “WFMW: Circle of Trust”

  1. My bad, I gotcha on the trash next week!

  2. I agree with this 100%. One of the best pieces of advice we were given before getting married was that you should never tear your spouse down in front of others. Ever. While we both may have had slip-ups over the years, it's been excellent advice and prevented many a disagreement in our house.

  3. This seemingly simple advice has served us well over our short 6 1/2 years of marriage. Unfortunately, we have had a couple of instances in which we've learned the hard way about "outing" the other in public. Not fun. We both learned our lesson, and we're better because of it. And, I totally agree with you on the breathe right strips! :)

  4. Sadly, I find that women gabbing about husbands can quickly spiral into a negative bash fest....and I just don't want anyone thinking of my husband the way I've found myself thinking about my friend's spouses! Good post!!!

  5. My mama taught me this one. "You don't talk your husband down in public," she'd say.

    Besides, hey -- I love the guy! And he's got a few on me, too! :0)

  6. Great jam to share, Courtney! Complaining abt hubby is not cool. I'd be heartbroken if he did that to me with his friends. One advice I received from a godly woman is getting one or two special confidants "cleared" with hubby as a person he would trust for me to confide my feelings to (not about him, but about me). The agreement is that I would never share anything about him personally with someone else, unless I get his ok. It makes it more intentional that I'm sharing. Kinda like getting permission for reprint. ;)

  7. I love this! I think it's great advice for any relationship---but especially for one as sacred as marriage.

  8. This was really good. There have been times where I thought I was being funny and teasing my husband in front of our friends but I was actually embarrassing him. I had no idea and felt awful. So I completely get what you're saying. I want to honor and build up the husband God has blessed me with, so now I just bite my tongue. :)

    I never fall up the stairs :)

  9. "There is a reason our house has walls" true and a good reminder.

  10. LOL.

    My husband and I have strange endearments. To others it sounds like a putdown because they are not familiar with us yet, then they find out that it's a thing called "teasing."

    If they had known me, they would know my background and how much I talk him up in public and in private. Men need just as much encouragement as us insecure women. They hide their insecurity well. Great blog!

  11. "There is a reason our house has walls" true and a good reminder.

  12. I love this! I think it's great advice for any relationship---but especially for one as sacred as marriage.