It feels like I grew this summer.
I entered a new phase of motherhood, as my boys became more independent. I sat on the side of the pool and watched them swim. I stood at the water's edge and watched them play in the surf. I waited in the stands and watched them practice soccer. I'm not bringing reading material, yet - but, still. . . I've been watching, not holding. The growth is liberating, in a bittersweet way.
I flew across the ocean, and had the time of my life. Last summer, there were days when it was hard for me to leave my house. Back then, my stomach hurt, and we couldn't figure out why. Finally, I was diagnosed with IBS - which is sort of like saying, "Hey, some days you're going to feel sick and nauseous. Good luck with that." It's not something I like to talk about - who would? - but I know how much comfort I get when I learn someone else has been there/done that. And now, I can share this: it gets better. I have learned a lot since last summer - how to ask for help, how to eat better, how to read labels, how to rest, and simply, how to trust God. I'm doing much, much better. Traveling to Paris was the test, but oh, what a gift. I'm so thankful that I passed.
In all these things, the way motherhood evolves and the way life can sometimes be bumpy, God has shown me that he is with me. This summer felt like the happy result of 1400 (and still counting) gifts, little boy kisses, my husband's steadfastness, and friends who say, "You're not alone." I can see now how every single one of the happy things relates back to God, and how the happy things would not be so enjoyable if they were simply handed to me on a silver platter. Because of that, I have gained strength for the next time I will need to hang on.
For I know there will be a next time. Life isn't one big happy summer - and that is okay. Life is more like an oak tree, big, sprawling, and ever changing. There are seasons of messy leaves, but they bring welcome shade. There are always branches in the yard, but the strong tree survives the storm. And always, after the rain, the resurrection fern blooms.
It is part of the growth. I sure have enjoyed it.
Linking with:
(where others are posting their Snapshots of Summer)
and
and on Wednesday,
oh, i love this, courtney! i think it is GOOD to look back, to remember, to see where we've been and where we are now. we have short memories, yes? the remembering--it helps. a chronicling of sorts. God is good. and faithful. and ever present. i love the reminders of this throughout your post.
ReplyDeletehave a blessed day!
steph
I've been doing a lot of this reflecting, too. The girls are growing more and more independent, and it makes me wistful.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter started kindergarten two weeks ago and it's like all of a sudden, I was in this new season after longing for a break for almost 6 years. Recently shared about how I wished it away. Encouraging to hear other moms growing in the journey, too.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a minute, would love to have you visit our weekly heart&home gathering at http://www.mercyinkblog.com/category/hearthome-link-party
thanks for the encouragement today :)
lauren