Walking with Weights

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

There are a lot of private things that I don't share here because, well, they are private. I admire and appreciate bloggers who share it all. They are brave in a way that I'm not. You'll never get the full, complete story of my life here. But let's be honest - no matter how much someone shares online, you're not getting the full, complete story of their life, either. So, remember that.

Still, I've recently felt such relief over a pressing matter that I want to share at least something about it. The "pressing matter" isn't the point - something was stressing me out and I truly feel that God worked a miracle to make it better. The point is how bad the stress and anxiety made me feel, and how grateful I am to God for the relief.

I feel like I aged a good 10 years in the three months that I was worrying. I was distracted, distant and tense. I couldn't fully engage on anything outside of my most pressing concern, though I certainly tried to fake it. I did not know how weighed down I felt until the weight was gone.

Now, I'm just grateful, grateful, grateful to God. I was clinging to Him, with music, with prayer, with reading the Bible, and then failing to find the time to read the Bible. I was clinging to Him with stream of conscious thoughts, with sleepless nights, and the way I go off on people in my head but never in real life. I was clinging, and He was there.

Now would I still say, "He was there," if things hadn't turned out better?

Yes. Because here is where my faith has grown in recent years: The whole, entire time, I knew that God was on the path with me. I was walking with heavy, heavy weights, but He was there, too, walking with me. Probably offering to take some of it, if only I could figure out how to let Him. 

Isn't that the hardest part?

Perhaps his way of snatching the weights was the way things resolved. In any case, life's weights, and my steps, are momentarily lighter. I feel the need to pause, rejoice in it, and ask God, "How can I do better next time?"

Of course there will be a next time. I don't know what it will be, but there will be something. As the Dowager Countess said on Sunday night, "All life is a series of problems which we must try and solve. First one, then the next and the next. Until at last we die."

PBS - source (Love her.)

The thing I want to learn is how to let God carry more of the burden, so I that I can be just a smidge more optimistic than the Countess. After all, there's got to be more than the relief of death. How drastic. 

I believe the remedy is that God is here. Now. He's ready to help me. He doesn't promise me a perfect, easy life. He promises to be the relief. 

I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Have you learned to let God carry some of your burden? How?

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5 Responses to “Walking with Weights”

  1. Hey Courtney! Appreciated your article, I believe that all of us walk around with some form of weight, which can be deposited at the feet of the Savior. I have been thinking a lot lately about how active a role God takes in our life, and how if we let Him, He will make our journey a lot easier. Here is a link for an article I think you will like. http://goo.gl/cbG41R

    1. Thank you - I appreciate the link and will check it out!

  2. Courtney, thank you for this. I am glad that your weight is gone. I am struggling with something right now and usually I would be in high-anxiety mode about it but I asked God to take away my anxiety and he did! I can't believe that I feel no need to obsess over it. I still don't have any answers and hope that I am learning some much-needed patience. I know, though, that no matter what the outcome is, good or bad, God will be there. What a comfort. I think as I get older, it gets easier and easier to trust him. It seems to be a recurring theme in my morning devotions with the "Jesus Calling" book. I know I need to keep hearing it so I can keep it in my mind!

    1. Jesus Calling is the best, isn't it? I think I'm going to start it again. It always seems to say exactly what I need to hear on a particular day. I'm so glad that you feel like you are able to release some worries. That is really inspirational to me!

  3. When I feel myself really weighted down, I try to remember that it's not the way it's supposed to be. I know we all have challenges, but when the stress starts to feel like too much, it's nice to remember that I can hand it over. You're right... it is relief.